blackout

an old friend found me on the internet, and we exchanged a few emails. i complimented her family photos by mentioning that her parents and brother still look good, twenty years later. she laughed in her reply, saying that max probably does look good, considering that he's been dead for three years.

she explained that while her parents say it was pneumonia that killed him, she admits it was mental illness and heroin. she didn't say much more about it than that. 


i've wondered since then if her parents lie because they are ashamed, or are they simply in denial? probably a bit of both.

dope addiction is not easy to conceal, but people see what they want to see, especially when their love is strong. they can't be blamed for their inaction, even if it means life or death.

i imagine that as much as max tried to hide his sickness, he also tried to show it.  the sufferer is in a constant battle against himself. the body is programmed to survive at all costs, and that expense may even be another part of itself. the mind, however, is a trickster. it only seeks peace, and can create infinite lines of logic to defend and rationalize any action that seems to promise safety. what is solace for the mind isn't necessarily so for the body.


perhaps the mind and body fight it out until someone calls for a tie-breaker. could that be the soul?