let's dance

i've only had one truly recurrent dream in my life. i don't have it anymore, but when i was in elementary school, it was a frequent nightmare.

i stand in the parking lot behind the school, looking towards the playground. suddenly, the world rushes towards my cheeks and sounds sneak up and crawl into my ears. i feel like i am experiencing everything. i enjoy the sensitivity, but am terrified. then things pull back, and i'm relaxed again. this sensation repeats several times before i wake.

it's difficult to describe, and was especially so as a nine year old.

intimacy is hard. getting close to someone is no problem; letting them get close to you can be excruciating. come here, go away. i hate you, don't leave me. we all do it. we are all afraid.

even so, we are all loved.